


I’ll Love You Forever (I’ll Like You For Always)

by waiting4love



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Family Dynamics, Father-Son Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Future Fic, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 19:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1754831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waiting4love/pseuds/waiting4love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver Queen was not the same man he used to be before the island then again even after all the changes his life had gone through he still found himself unable to have functional, healthy relationships with the people he cared about the most, he always ended up disappointing them, getting them hurt or worst of all getting them killed.</p>
<p> In the past year he had lost his mother and his sister and he thought family was something he would never have within his reach. That all changed one Wednesday afternoon when once again life granted him something he was far from deserving, a 9 year old boy who would fill his life with questions, and worry but most of all boundless love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fixable

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a multi-chapter Arrow fic. It will explore the relationship between Oliver and his new found son and of course how our favorite IT specialist comes into the mix. It could contain some arrow adventures but it would be mostly centered on the characters dynamics. English is not my first language and since I don't have a beta all mistakes are my own. Hope you stay for the ride. 
> 
> The tittle is from a children's book by Robert Munsch.
> 
> I own nothing but the idea for this, sort of.

“Oliver” The kid said looking at him seriously with his striking blue eyes, ones very similar to his own. “I’m really bored and you look very uncomfortable, can I call my mom to pick me up?”

“Uh No I’m not-“He took a deep breath. Of course he could charm a crowd or bring fear into people with one steady look but communicating with a 9 year old? That was an impossible task. He had trouble with words and how to explain the situation at all. Oliver Queen was not prepared for this. But when had that ever stopped life from throwing things his way? “I’m not uncomfortable Connor. I’m just not used to hanging out with kids” He explained as gently as he could.

“Yeah so why are we? Hanging out I mean” Connor asked him from the couch he had been sitting on since her mother had dropped him off about an hour ago.  Oliver swallowed hard and approached the couch crouching in front of the kid who was still looking at him with curious eyes.

“Well- Um. You see” He began closing his eyes for a second and starting again after a small pause. “I want us to get to know each other”

“Are you dating mom? Because usually she doesn’t let me spend time alone with the guys she dates” He tells him with his eyes a little wider than usual like the realization that he could be dating her mother doesn’t particularly appeal to him.

“No. I’m not dating your mom” He says matter-o-factly and Connor’s eyes go back to normal while he relaxes against the couch.

“I’m bored Oliver and I want to go home” The kid says again after a few minutes of silence past between them. “And why are you looking at me like that? It’s weird!”

Oliver smiles at this. His son looks so very much like him that he can’t help but admire how genetics work. How this kid makes gestures very similar to his own even if they have never spent time together before the last few weeks.

Entertaining kids is not his forte. Being around the son he only just found out he has isn’t either. He’s stuck. He’s scared. He wants to tell this kid who he is and why they should spend time together and that even though he doesn’t know him very well he loves him and he’s sorry and-  He has a lot on his mind. And he’s not ready to go all out with this. But he needs to make Connor smile, and have fun and God help him like him. He needs his kid to like him and he’s scared there’s nothing likeable left in him.

“I’m sorry” He tells him and looks away and tries not to be creepy when he looks back at him “How about if we go to the garage and I let you drive one of my dad’s old cars?” He offers gently and Connor once again looks at him confused.

“Oliver, I’m 9, I don’t think mom would like you very much if you let me drive a car” He informs him simply. And of course his kid is a little old man, with good manners and a rule follower. Well at least now he knows not everything is genetic. When he was 9 he could hardly wait to break up any and all rules his parents set for him. Again Connor doesn’t seem very amused by him.

“Right. Well what would make you less bored? You want to get into the pool? Or go to the mall?” He suggests with little hope that Connor will want to do either of those things really, but without any other ideas.

“It’s winter. Who gets into the pool in winter? For an adult you’re really unwise” Connor says and he knows he doesn’t mean to insult him, he’s just stating things as he sees them and for his son he isn’t very good at adultness. Well he’s not the first to make that remark that’s for sure. He doesn’t explain that they actually have an indoor swimming pool.  “I guess we could go to the mall but don’t you have like video games around here somewhere? That would be cool” He tells him and it seems like the kid is finally taking pity on his horrible attempts to make this afternoon fun for him.

“I don’t. But tell you what I’ll call a friend and she can get us everything we need and in the mean time we could ask Raisa for some ice cream or any other treats you would like”  So Connor doesn’t look excited per se but at least he isn’t looking at him like he’s completely out of his mind either. “Sounds good?” He asked and the kid nods as a response. “Great I’ll be back in a minute”

He calls her and explains the situation and she lets him know she’ll be there in over an hour. She has to finish some things in the new super-secret lair first and then she’ll stop by the mall and get him all the over the top electronics he could need to entertain a 9 year old. He thanks her and spends the time before she arrives trying his best to make small talk and not look at Connor creepily. It’s not great but at least he can see the kid smiles a little more than before he promised him gaming equipment.

When Felicity arrives he can’t help but be grateful once more for having her in his life. Even if- to have her in any way or form he is thankful. He opens the door for her with Connor trailing behind him and they stand there looking at each other in silence until it gets weird and she simply enters the house greeting the kid with a big smile which he of course returns happily.

She’s sitting in front of the huge television in the family room connecting all of the 3 gaming consoles she brought with her; Connor is sitting right beside her asking about games and cables and how to connect things. He is excited now, and Oliver isn’t sure if it is because of the games or her but he has a feeling it’s the former, and he’s sure it shouldn’t make him at happy as it does.

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing videogames, all three of them. He sucks at it, and Felicity is of course great which makes him almost certain she’s letting Connor win when he yells “Victory” for the second time in a row. He gives her a smile, a thank you. She returns it nodding softly as if acknowledging his silent words. 

When the time comes for him to take Connor back to his mom, he feels down, he doesn’t want to let this go. This feeling of normalcy even if it’s fake. _This is not mine_ he thinks looking at Connor and Felicity, they are here and they might be happy in this moment, but they don’t belong with him. He would just find a way to screw it up sooner or later. So he sighs and tell Connor it’s time to go, and to his surprise the kid seems a little let down by it too.

“I had fun today Oliver” He tells him when he pulls over in front of his mother’s house. “And Felicity is really cool. Who knew girls could be fun?” Connor asks more to himself than to Oliver. “So see you next week?” He asks because he knows the drill, he’s been paying attention; he knows Oliver has been picking him up Fridays at 2 o’clock for the past five weeks. And this is the first time he’s acknowledged that, the first time he seems to be looking forward to it. He sighs and Connor gives him a weird look.

“Sure thing” He assures him “Maybe next time I can beat you on that racing game”

“I don’t think so Oliver” He says smugly and Oliver laughs. “There’s mom” He says pointing to the approaching female figure. “I better go. See you soon” He says and for a moment he feels like the kid is going to hug him or at least is thinking about it but after a pause he opens the door and jumps out of it running to hug her mother who just smiles at Oliver and waves goodbye.

When he gets back to the manor Felicity’s gone. He feels a little disappointed even if she had told him beforehand she had to leave. He sits in the family room for a while and imagines what his life would be like if he wasn’t the arrow, if he had known about his son since the beginning, if his mother was still alive, if he could tell Felicity he wasn’t lying that night. He thinks about everything that’s weighting on him and he realizes he needs to pull himself together. Feeling sorry isn’t going to fix what is broken and he has to focus on the things that are still fixable. Like getting Queen Consolidated off the ground and telling his son he’s his father and finding Thea.  Fixable things that’s where his attention’s going to be in. Not in blondes and glasses and real I-love-yous in terrible circumstances. Fixable things and that’s it.


	2. Connection

It’s Friday again and Oliver is the happiest he’s been since last Friday. For once he doesn’t feel like he’s completely going to screw this up. Maybe he can do this, be a father. He picks up Connor and on the way over to the manor they share small tidbits about their week apart. Connor tells him about a test he aced and Oliver contemplates getting him a present for being so good in school. He’s always getting good grades and a little compensation can’t hurt or so he thinks.

“You want to go to the mall so I can get you something nice?” He proposes looking at the road ahead so he misses the tangled expression in his kids face. 

“Why?” Connor asks and Oliver waits until he’s at a red light to look at him.

“What do you mean why? You got good grades, you’re a good kid you deserve a present” He tells him like it’s the most common thing in the world.

“Mom doesn’t think so” He says with a disapproving tone, and he doesn’t know if it’s directed to him or his mother.

“She doesn’t think you’re a good kid?” He asks looking at the road again.

“She doesn’t believe in giving me gifts for getting good grades. She says I’m supposed to get good grades for me and my own happiness, not for her or to get presents” He explains thoroughly and Oliver can sense a bit of annoyance and he is sure it’s directed at his mother this time. The words come out of his mouth so automatically that he swears he’s heard the speech a thousand times.

He thinks about it for a minute before commenting. This is the first time he feels like if he does something it could send a mixed message compared to what his mother’s trying to teach him and he doesn’t think is a good idea to do so.  They haven’t discussed parenting much, in fact deep down he thinks she’s just letting him see the kid out of pity and the believe that he would just get tired eventually and give it up. He can’t precisely judge her for thinking like that, after all he never gave her the chance to see the real him, or better yet he did and the real him back then was a complete tool.

“How about this I get you something just because, and that way we’re not breaking any rules huh?” He tells Connor giving him a smile and the kid smiles back and it’s so innocent and so similar to his own smile when he was a kid that something warms his chest. Maybe this is what being a father feels like. Maybe that smile is the reason is so hard to say no to your kids. Sometimes he wishes his parents had said no a little more, maybe he would’ve been better and he wouldn’t have lost 9 years of his son’s life. He sighs. He can’t stop himself from walking down that lane.

“I think that’s a great idea Oliver” He responds grinning again. “Sometimes you think really hard and you get this crease on your forehead” Connor mentions after a while “Mom does that a lot when I’m in trouble or she has to take double shifts at work. Am I in trouble?” He asks and sounds deeply concerned. He can’t help but smile again at his kid. He has a good heart, and he has so much to thank Sandra for that he can’t help but feel he will never be able to pay her back for everything she’s done for their son.

“No buddy, you’re not in trouble at all” He says touching his shoulder slightly to reassure him.

“Why the creases them?” He insists. Connor is a curious child but then again so are all 9 year olds or at least in his poor experience they are.

“Grown up stuff, very boring” He says dismissing his question casually. He wouldn’t be able to explain himself just yet. He knows they have to have a real talk and he has to come clean about being his father. But he’s scared shitless about what Connor’s reaction could be. He wants to make him like him first, maybe that way it could be easier for the kid to accept him, perhaps it’s just wishful thinking on his part but he’s willing to give it a try.

Connor looks at him not convinced he’s telling the truth but lets it slide. Twenty minutes later they are going into the toy store at the mall and all conversation is forgotten.

He buys him a couple of things most of them LEGO sets with diverse themes. He’s actually looking forward to playing with them together when he realizes that Connor probably just wants to take everything home with him.

They get some ice cream. Oliver gets mint chocolate chip and Connor surprises him getting pistachio, he’s definitely a little old man even in his ice cream tastes. They are walking to the car while finishing their ice cream cones when the kid asks him about their next stop.

“So are we going to your mansion now? I want to build this stuff and I bet if we ask nicely Felicity would like to help us” Oliver eyes went wide because first he does actually want to play with the toys at his house and them Connor mentions Felicity and he feels it’s the perfect way to get to spend time with her without it being uncomfortable. He’s a terrible parent; he’s already using his kid to pick up women. Well not exactly but he feels a little guilty for having the thought cross his mind anyway.

“You really like her huh?”  He asks trying to sound nonchalant but he isn’t very sure he succeeds.

“She’s very fun” Connor responds nodding his head as if he’s thinking it over again before he adds “For a girl”

“Right” Oliver says throwing away the napkins they’ve been using with the ice cream and ruffling Connor’s hair softly. “Do you want to call her?” He asks and he know it’s petty and a little manipulative and it’s not like she would say no to him either but she definitely won’t say no to Connor and he prefers certainty over possibility any day.

Connor nods looking at him funny, he thinks it’s because his kid is a little nervous but he talks to Felicity and she says yes and an hour later they’re all lying on the floor building a LEGO train. They are little pieces scattered everywhere and they’re all laughing about something funny Connor just said and the same as last week Oliver feels so at ease with the situation that it makes him sigh deeply.

“You’re doing it again” The kid says pointing an accusing finger on his direction. “The sigh and the thing in your forehead, it’s not a good look on you” He confesses negating with his head and Felicity laughs soundly at their interaction.

“He does that a lot” She tells the kid and Oliver looks at her wide-eyed. She’s siding with Connor now? That was fast enough. “But I think this time it’s a happy sigh. Right Oliver?” Felicity asks looking at him with a small smile.  

“Yes. It is a happy sigh. It’s been a good day” He tells them both with a big smile.

“Do you think I could stay over one day?” Connors asks looking at the clock over the chimney. It’s almost time to get him home and Oliver once again feels a punch in his stomach. He’s getting so used to spending time with him that every time he has to say goodbye he feels worse than before.

“Maybe bud. I’ll talk to your mom about it next time alright?” The kid replies with a nod but he’s obviously unhappy at the thought of leaving. “Now we should get going. Do you want to take this with you?” He asks pointing at the train they’ve been building for the past hour.

“If I leave it here can we finish it next week? All three of us?” He asks looking intently at Felicity. It looks like the Queen men have it bad for the IT specialist Oliver thinks controlling the smile that wants to break free on his face.  She throws Connor an adorable look and tilts her head to the right. He could almost hear her thinking _how can you say no to that?_

“Of course, building things with you is a pleasure” She says to Connor and he blushes profoundly.

“I’m going to go wash my hands” Connor says excusing himself out of the family room and towards the nearest bathroom.

“He is adorable” Felicity tells him standing up and sitting down on the couch near to Oliver who is still sitting on the floor surrounded by LEGOS. “So not sleepover permits yet?” She asks softly with concerned eyes.

“No, but since he brought it up maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Sandra about it” He tells her looking past her to the door to see if Connor is coming back before continuing. “He’s probably very confused about the whole thing but he seems to like me enough to want to stay more time, though that could partly be your fault. He definitely likes you” He says the last part as if he was saying it to a five year old girl in a teasing tone.

“I’m very likeable” She tells him with a playful smile. “I think he likes you too and you should tell him about you know… You being his-” She’s interrupted by the sound of something crashing to the ground and they both get on their feet quickly and follow the noise back to the foyer where Connor is standing near a broken flower vase, water and porcelain pieces surrounding him. 

“I’m so sorry” He says in a quiet voice looking directly to the floor.

“It’s okay” Oliver says softly approaching him. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I didn’t mean to break it I was just-“He begins frantically and Oliver reaches him and picks him up in a swift move to take him away from the broken pieces. The gesture silences him completely.

“Hey” He tells him trying to make him look at him. “It’s okay Connor; I didn’t like that vase much anyway. The important thing is that you’re okay” For a second he thinks the kid is going to break out crying but them their eyes connect and he calms down. Oliver puts him back on the floor away from the disaster and he runs to Felicity and hugs her by the waist whispering I’m sorrys.

It takes a few minutes for Oliver to get someone on the house staff to clean up the mess and when they finally leave the house to get Connor home Felicity is getting in the back seat with his son and holding him close to her caressing his hair softly. Oliver is almost sure Connor is not affected by the accident anymore but who would miss an opportunity to have a pretty girl that close? Certainly not Oliver Queen’s son. 

Connor says goodbye, takes some of his new toys and get off the car quickly, this time Sandra gestures for him to go inside and she approaches Oliver’s car as Felicity is switching to the passenger seat.

“Hey” Oliver greets her and she looks at Felicity studying her from head to toe before acknowledging his salute.

“Why is he carrying all those toys Oliver? I told you I don’t want you to buy him things just because you can” She says in that tone mothers often use to reprimand their children.

“I haven’t, until today and I was just trying to connect with him. I won’t let him get so much stuff next time” He answers in the best collected tone he has.

“You don’t need money to connect with him Oliver” She says and it sounds almost pitiful as if she feels sorry that he can’t get near his son without trying to buy him off.   He feels terrible all of the sudden. He was meaning to ask about the sleep overs but now he feels like such a failure that he doesn’t believe he deserves to have more time with Connor so he lets it slide. “See you next Friday” She tells him walking away before he even has a chance to get a word out. He sighs.

“Oliver” Felicity tells him and he can feel her touch in his forearm. “He likes you. Not because you buy him stuff okay? She’s right you don’t need money but that connection has nothing to do with it and when you decide to tell him I believe he’s going to be excited to have you in his life for good”  He smiles but they both know it’s not a real one, it’s not the one he usually reserves for her.  He is sad and preoccupied and she just strokes his forearm quietly as he drives towards the mansion. He hates that one of the thoughts that crosses his mind it’s that he can get used to this, being comforted by her on his day-to-day life.

They get to Queen Manor and Felicity hugs him shortly, not letting neither of them linger. She apologies and tells him she has to run. He wants to ask why, but he doesn’t. Her private life is her own no matter how much he wants to make it _theirs_.

It’s Friday night and once again he’s had a wonderful day but he’s now completely alone in his big mansion. _Poor little rich boy_ he mutters to himself before he turns the light off on the family room and heads to bed.


	3. Unplanned

His head is uncomfortably heavy, he feels pain in almost every muscle of his body and he is almost certain he’s lying in a very cold surface. Those are the things he can distinguish. He can’t remember how he got to wherever he is. He can’t open his eyes. He thinks he hears voices calling his name but he could just as surely be imagining things.

Oliver regains conscience again and his formers thoughts still remain, expect this time he can manage to open his eyes and sees Felicity pacing the room nervously. She calls his name and he tries to respond but his voice doesn’t come. Instinctively she looks his way and when she sees his eyes are open she throws herself at him and hugs him so tightly than even if his muscles didn’t hurt before they still would have after her embrace.

“Don’t ever do that again” She says as if she is about to lecture him but he can see the reminder of tears on her cheeks. He wants to reach out and clean them up but his mobility it’s still very limited as is his voice. So he moves his head slightly to the left and then to the right to be able to tell her _No. I won’t._ Even if he doesn’t remember what happened or what he did to get himself in this situation.

He loses and recovers consciousness for a while, each time he wakes up he feels a little stronger but everything hurts just the same. After what seemed like days but are probably just hours he wakes up and finds he can move better and maybe speak too.

“Felicity?” He calls for her and his voice is raspy for the lack of use. He clears his throw and tries again this time louder. “Felicity?” She appears a second later running to hug him once again.  “Hey I’m okay” He says and she pulls away and studies him in silence for a moment.

“You’d think I’d be used to having you unconscious in a table but- I mean… Because you get injured a lot. Not because of other really creepy reasons to have someone unconscious and almost naked on a steel table” He smiles at her rambling and it hurts a bit, he’s guessing he has a couple of broken ribs. “What I was trying to say is: I hate it when you get hurt and this time I almost thought I would-” She’s on the verge of crying so he pulls her into him the best he can and caresses her hair very slowly.

“Shhh” He says moving his hands slightly up and down her blonde curls. “Felicity you’re not going to lose me” Oliver whispers in her ear and he feels her tremble a bit.  

“You keep saying that and then getting knocked out” She says and he finds it funny, even if it isn’t. Not one bit.

“I’ll try to stay conscious next time” He tells her when she pulls away from him enough to get her phone that’s lying on a shelf near him. He looks around to see that he’s in the lair, the new one they been working on since Slade’s capture.

“I have to call Digg” She explains while dialing on her phone. She speaks to the other member of the team in shush voices and all he’s able to get it’s that Digg will be there in a minute. She goes back to him and begins cleaning some of his more damaged injuries. It hurts but it’s definitely not the worst pain he has ever endured. “Do you remember what happened?” Felicity asks him after a long silence.

And he realizes once again that he has no idea what brought him to this table or to the physical state he’s in. He negates with his head trying not to speak when he doesn’t have to.

“Malcom Merlyn is alive and well” She clarifies and the blanks slowly begin to fill in his mind. “On Wednesday I found some activity in one his international accounts. You know how bad guys never stay dead long in this town so I just figured it would be better to let the alerts running in case… something like this happened” She’s about to keep explaining when he interrupts her knowing more or less how the story continues.

“He has Thea” He says and it’s not a question she just nods. “He wanted to kill me. When I found him at the Merlyn mansion, he said I was not going to get between him and his family again. And we fought and I was about to pass out when Thea appeared and everything went black” He says his voice defeated and gruff for the effort he was making “What happened then?”

“I could hear some discussion over the comms but it wasn’t all that clear and I really wanted to make sure you were alive before we-“ She pauses and looks away from him because the thought of having him be not-alive seems to be too much for her to handle. “The thing is Oliver. I don’t think Thea is his prisoner” When she lets the words out he looks at her with confusion, her words don’t make sense to him at all. How could his sister willingly go with Merlyn? She must have read the question from his mind because she answers without him having to word it out loud. “He’s her biological father Oliver and she has lost so much, she is probably confused and scared and-“

“This can’t be happening” He says and his voice is hollow unrecognizable to his own ears. “We have to get her back. I need to get my sister back”

“Hey” She tells him and suddenly she is very close and caressing his cheek with her soft hand, again giving him the comfort that he can only really get from her. “We’ll figure it out. We always do”

A minute later Digg enters the lair and gives them both a curious look, one he had been giving them for some time now but lately he doesn’t even try to mask it. He also knows that means they’ll have one of their talks soon, were Diggs tells him to make up his mind and act, to which he always responds with negatives, reasons but mostly excuses.

They recap everything that has happened in the hours he’s been unconscious. Thea and Merlyn are off the grid. Roy’s gone trying to search for her but Oliver’s certain his recklessness it’s not going to get him anywhere good. They talk game plan, they strategize but even them they don’t have pressing matters, they have to wait for a location and the alerts are silent. So after a while Digg goes back to Lyla and their kid, Felicity mentions she might be heading out when Oliver gets in the shower but when he gets out, she’s still seating in her chair in front of her computers.

“Weren’t you leaving?” He asks her back to his normal voice. He’s feeling better which might be an effect of all the herbs he drank after he woke up.

“Yeah I was but then I remembered today is Saturday. I was so focused on everything that was happening here that I completely forgot what day of the week it was… Anyway I don’t have any plans tonight and I thought I’d make sure you were alright before heading home” She tells him with a polite smile that looks very odd on her face.  There’s something she’s not telling him, she seems disappointed but he’s not sure he’s ready to ask her why.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me” Oliver says and she gives him a pointed look. _Of course I’m going to worry_ she says with her eyes and he chuckles a bit before remembering “Wait a second. Today is Saturday? And I was out of it all day yesterday? Which means—” He presses his finger to the bridge of his nose with more force than necessary. “I was supposed to pick Connor up yesterday. I didn’t even call to cancel. Crap”

“Oliver” She says standing up and walking closer to him. She takes the hands he was using to damage his nose on her own and takes them lower until they’re lying between them still tangled. “You were almost dead. I think that’s a good enough reason not to have picked him up yesterday”

“Could be but I can’t pretty much tell him that or his mother” He explains letting a frustrated breath out loudly. “I need to fix this”

“So do. Call her explain to her that you had some last minute thing come up and you couldn’t call. Explain it to Connor too and then go pick him up. It will be fine” She says again reassuring him and he can’t help but believe her even if deep down his instincts are telling him that he failed his son and this is just the first of many times where he’s not going to be able to control the situation. “You want me to go with you?” She asks when he doesn’t seem to respond to her previous suggestion.

“No” He says an honest smile forming on his lips. “Thank you for offering though, but I think this is a battle I have to fight alone”

“Sure” She agrees and she’s suddenly pulling away from him leaving his hands hanging between them not touching anymore “But Oliver?” Felicity asks softly and he looks up at her light blue eyes.

“Yeah?” He says encouraging her to continue.

“You’re not alone” She says it with so much emotion it reminds him of the last time he said this to him. How her strength gave him the push he needed to keep going. And that’s all he needs, that day, tonight and always, he needs her strength to get him through and he’s selfish and he wants to reach out and take all that she can offer, all that he can get from her. But he doesn’t, he just turns his lips upward and tries his best for his eyes not to look sad.

“Thank you” He replies to break the intensity of the moment they’ve just shared. And like that she nods and walks away whispering a low goodnight.

He calls Sandra as soon as Felicity is out the door, he can’t lose any more time, it’s important for him to speak to Connor and at least explain what happened, even if it has to be a lie.

When she answers she’s obviously not amused by his behavior. “Oliver you promised me you wouldn’t do this to him. He was so broken up about you standing him up he didn’t want to do anything for the rest of the day he just locked himself in his room. He’s 9 that shouldn’t be happening at this age” She says with a lot of conviction and he knows she’s right in everything she’s saying.

“I know. I got caught up in something and I couldn’t get to a phone” He explains weakly.

“Look I know your stories all too well and I don’t need my son to be caught in the middle of your disastrous life. I’m sorry Oliver but I don’t think you should see him anymore” She says and she sounds honestly conflicted with her own decision.  So he appeals to the side of her that still wants to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Sandra please” He says and he’s not ashamed to beg. Not for this, even if he knows she might be making the right call he doesn’t want to give Connor up. He wants a relationship with his son. “Let me talk to him okay? I’ll explain and maybe I can pick him up for a bit tonight or tomorrow? Give me a chance to make it up to him please” Oliver says hoping she would feel a least a little pity and let him have this.

“I’ll ask him and if he wants he can call you later. It’s the best I can do” She says plainly.

“Thank you” He says sincerely grateful that he didn’t shot him down completely.

“Oh, and Oliver? If you manage to make him forgive you I think we should set some ground rules. First of all you need to tell him the truth” She commands like there’s no room for discussion.

“He thinks I’m trying to date you” He says with a bit of humor trying to soften her tone. She doesn’t appreciate his intent one bit.

“He doesn’t think that anymore, In fact he’s rather taken with your girl of the moment” She says and she sounds totally pissed, not in a jealous way though more like in a _you’re_ _never going to change_ way. “That’s why he’s more confused than ever, he doesn’t understand why you’re spending time with him”

“My girl?” He asks wondering what Connor has told her but already forming a vague idea on his mind.

 “Felicity? The girl you brought with you the last time you gave him a ride home?” She asks annoyed.

“She’s not-“He begins but she quickly interjects.

“I don’t care what she is I just don’t think you should be parading women around him. That’s not the way I want him to be raised. He has to respect women even if you don’t” Her tone is so conclusive it must be an effect of being a mother for so many years now. He should feel insulted but he doesn’t, he understands perfectly well where she is coming from, but he doesn’t like what she is suggesting where Felicity is concerned. 

“She’s just my friend Sandra and she’s a great influence on him, in us both, if you want we can set up a meeting so you can see for yourself but there’s no way I’m denying him time with her. He likes her” He explains and Sandra just sighs in annoyance. She makes him promise he’s going to tell his son the truth about their relationship or else she’s going to have to and agrees to pass the message to the kid so he can call him if he feels comfortable.  He thanks her and hangs up waiting for the phone to ring soon, hoping Connor likes him as much as Felicity thinks he does.

He makes time in the lair waiting for a phone call that never comes and when he finally heads home he can’t stop thinking about yet another person that thinks Felicity and him are more than friends. _If only_.


	4. Surprise

The last few days had been as unproductive as they could be. There was no information on Merlyn and therefore nothing new on Thea’s location, Roy was MIA as well. His son apparently decided he was still mad about Friday and he had not called, he wasn’t sure if it was because Sandra didn’t encourage him to or he just didn’t want to (both were very possible).

Queen Consolidated was having a big board meeting in a couple of days to decide whether or no he could be reinstated as CEO and frankly he was afraid that it wouldn’t go his way, he was trying to educate himself better in company policies and he promised himself that given the chance his head would be more in the game this time around.

His way to honor his father was to right his wrongs and lately he felt the only way he could honor his mother was by getting the company back and finally growing into his CEO position. This was going to be his family’s legacy, he had Connor to think about now, it wasn’t just him and Thea anymore and he had to make a future for his son that didn’t involve violence or throwing arrows around in the dead of night.

Oliver was frustrated and his mind was full of situations he couldn’t very well solve at the moment, it was driving him mad. So of course he was taking his frustration out on the training dummy standing in front of him.

“Man you need to stop this” John said coming from behind him and holding the dummy still. Oliver gave him a burdened look but had to stop throwing punches altogether. “I know things are a little out of our control right now but-“

“A little might be an understatement Digg” Oliver replied with a tight smile.

“We are going to find your sister Oliver but you can’t expect this to be an easy task. Merlyn knows very well how to stay dead when he wants to, it was almost a miracle Felicity could find him last time” A deep sigh left Oliver’s mouth and John gave him a soft pat on the back gesturing for them to move towards Felicity’s computers. Oliver followed suit.

“It was my fault we lost him again” Oliver said quietly not looking at John.

“Everything in this world isn’t your fault Oliver” He said and Oliver knew his martyr complex was something Digg didn’t appreciate much. But this time it was true, if it wasn’t for his weakness, if he hadn’t pass out maybe he could have protected his sister better.

“This is” Declared with his very characteristic self-loath. “I should’ve been honest with her from the beginning. I thought not telling her my secret was what would protect her from-“

“Oliver don’t kid yourself, that might have been one of your reasons but in reality you didn’t want your sister to look at you as anything different than her cool older brother, you didn’t want to destroy the image she had of you from before” John remarked and Oliver knew he was as often right about his assessment.

“I wasn’t that nice before either I just wasn’t-“John cut his sentence short with his own words.

“If you say killer I swear I’m going to punch you in your deepest wound right now” He told him with intent and he didn’t doubt for a minute he would do it.

“I was going to say broken. I was a stupid kid, a jerk, a jack-ass but I wasn’t a broken man” He confessed and after a deep breath he decided that was enough vulnerability for the time being. He didn’t want to talk about feelings or the past. He wanted solutions to his current problems and he had none. “So where’s Felicity?” He asked changing the subject as he noticed her empty chair, it wasn’t usual for her no to be there.

“She said she had something to do, so she isn’t coming in today” John told him glancing away from him and toward the lair entrance.  Oliver nodded not knowing really what else to say, he wanted to know more and he was sure Digg had more information than what he was providing but he knew well that if he asked he would get some serious lecture from his friend and partner.

“I think I’m heading out then” He said after a while when it was clear they were both reluctant to talk about Felicity.

“Good I’ll stick around for a little while” John said sitting on Felicity’s chair and spinning it towards the monitors.

“Call me if anything comes up” Oliver told him as he was leaving the lair. John nodded in agreement and after taking a quick shower Oliver finally headed out.

He didn’t know what to do next. It was a little late to show up at Sandra’s house but he decided he would tomorrow as soon as Connor was back from school; he wasn’t going to stall anymore because his kid deserved more than a coward dad. That was clear to him even if being a father certainly wasn’t.

Oliver reached for his phone and saw two missed calls from Laurel. He was avoiding her as the plague, ever since she found out about the arrow their relationship had changed drastically, she appeared to understand so many past behaviors and actions to the point where she forgave him for so much more that she already had before knowing the truth.

He frankly felt underserving of all her forgiveness, he felt guilty around her, always, and when he found out about Connor his guilt just got so much worse. In how many ways had he betrayed her? She was supposed to be the woman he had loved the most in his whole life and even them he was horrible to her day in and day out. He liked to believe that since he came back, he had changed; he was a little better at least to her. But was he really? Hadn’t he betrayed his best friend in the process? And hurt Laurel too? He wasn’t ready to face her right now. He knew they had a long overdue conversation pending but until he resolved his situation with Connor he wasn’t going to go there with Laurel. Not yet. 

He sighed. He was sitting in his car looking at his phone and feeling down. It wasn’t that he was a ray of sunshine usually but today was not a good day and it hadn’t been a good week either and honestly the only person that could change that was not within his reach. He kept passing her name on his call log. He wanted to call and ask about her day and why she wasn’t there. He didn’t deserve to but after the crappy few days he had had he wasn’t so focused on the deserving bit. He wanted to, so he did.

“Hey” She answered after a couple of seconds and just by hearing her voice a slight smile crossed his lips.

“Hi” He said softly.

“Is everything okay?” She asked when he didn’t elaborate. Of course they talked on the phone all the time but usually it was arrow related, life or death, or QC. He didn’t make the habit of calling to check in even if he wanted to more often than he admitted even to himself.

“Yeah” He answered quickly to dissipate her concern. “And you? Are you okay? You weren’t at the lair” He commented simply.

“I’m okay” She said and for a minute he thought that was all he was going to get. “I promised a friend I would help him out with some stuff tonight so… That’s why I wasn’t, at the lair I mean” She said really fast a usual Felicity word pace. The part where her friend was a he wasn’t lost on him.

“Good” Oliver replied because he couldn’t think of something more to say that didn’t give away the real reason he had called.

“Is there anything I can do for you? I mean if you need me at the lair I could probably drop by later-” She began saying. Of course she would think that he needed something from her, something arrow-related. When had he ever just called to check up? In his mind he didn’t do it so he wouldn’t get too close but on the other hand he was aware he was being a terrible friend to her. Did she even know they were friends? Sometimes he suspected she didn’t.

“No that’s alright, go back to your friend” He told her cutting her offering short. When the words friend let his mouth they felt heavy as if some dark emotion was trying to make its way into their talk. “I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?” He asked gently not wanting to pressure her or make her feel like she had to keep showing up at the lair every day. Things were slow on the arrow front and with QC still being run by other people there wasn’t much he could offer her workwise.

“Sure, of course see you tomorrow Oliver” Felicity responded in a gentle tone. He had freaked her out with his call, she thought something had happened and if he knew her well enough she still thought something was up. He finished the call with a final goodnight even though what he really wanted was to keep her in line as long as he could.

Since he had been driving the whole time he was talking to her he was already entering the Queen’s grounds. As of lately every time he went through the iron gates that separated his property lines from their neighbors he felt a pressure in his chest.  It was when he felt most alone.

When he realized all he had lost in the last couple of years, the Queens weren’t a family anymore it was just him and all of this space filled with memories of people that were long gone. Long gone because of his actions, directly or indirectly he had caused both his parents deaths. He was never getting past that. He would never be more than broken pieces held together by a drive that wasn’t clear to him most days. How could he be a good father is he didn’t have anything to give? How could he ever tell Felicity the truth? She deserved so much more than what he was able to offer her and Connor did too.

He felt asleep after a pacing the halls of the mansion for hours, alone with his tormenting thoughts.

It was the middle of the day and he was parked in front of Starling Elementary waiting for Connor to come out. He had called Sandra and luck was apparently on his side because she mentioned she wasn’t going to be able to pick Connor up so he instantly offered thanking her for the opportunity to see his son again. She reminded him about the rules they had discussed before and he promised to tell him soon.

He wasn’t sure soon was today.

Today he was going to be a regular dad picking his son from school and getting a late lunch together.

Soon could be tomorrow.

Connor came down the school steps with two other kids, they were all talking amicably and they did an elaborated hand shake as a way to say goodbye. The two kids that were accompanying him headed for the school bus and Connor glanced around probably looking for his mom’s car. He wasn’t aware Oliver was going to be the one there; after all it was a last minute thing.  

He pulled the car over to the curve and lowered the car window before calling out to him.

“Connor” He said loudly and his son saw him almost immediately, as he expected his face when from surprise to discontent in a second. “Your mother couldn’t come for you” Oliver explained opening the door for him to get in. He was negating with his head the whole way to the car as if having and inner conversation.

“Great” He said with a fake smile closing the door abruptly.

“How about some lunch?” Oliver offered gently.

“I already ate” He told him but his tone was more fitting for a swear word than anything he had said.

“Well maybe you can get some dessert or something?” He asked again with a small smile.

“I would prefer to go home Oliver” Connor said dismissively. 

“Big belly it is” He said ignoring his son previous statement. He had a right to be mad, but he wasn’t going to let the chance he had been given go away that easily.

They got to the burger joint and Carly gave him his usually table near the window. Connor hadn’t said a word to him the whole time they drove there and Oliver was a little anxious. He wasn’t the best at talking about feelings and he hated to be put in a position where his only escape was to tell as much of the truth as he could.

But Connor deserved some type of explanation for his past actions.

“I know you were disappointed I didn’t show up last Friday” He began with a low voice and Connor was looking anywhere but at him. “I was too. I wanted to be there for you and some things came up and I couldn’t even get to a phone to change our date. What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I wasn’t there and I’m sorry I couldn’t call and I’ll do my best for it not to happen again” He wanted to say that it would never happen but in the spirit of being as honest as he could he knew the possibility of it happening again was rather large.

Connor nodded and looked his way for the first time since he had gotten into the car. His eyes were sad, it wasn’t anger. It was sadness and disappointment. Two things he was more than used to seeing directed at him. He had seem that exact same look from his mom and dad multiple times, from Laurel, from Thea, from Tommy even from Felicity that time she had caught Isabel coming out of his room in Russia.

He was ashamed to give his kid a reason for him to give him that look. He felt powerless because he knew that it wasn’t going to be a onetime thing with what he did at night it was clear he couldn’t’ control his life as regular people could. A part of him believed that even if he was a normal person with no vigilante actives he still could find a way to get that look from Connor. But what could he do? What was the alternative? To never tell Connor he had a father that cared? A father that wanted to be there even if he couldn’t always be. His thoughts were interrupted by the 9 year old voice he was already so familiar with.

“What happened to your eyebrow?” Of all the questions he could have asked him was that really what he decided to focus on? Oliver thought with a sense of mockery. 

“I… Got into a fight” He said clearly not thinking it through “Which of course you should never do because violence is not the answer to any problem. Smart people talk things through and as you can see I’m not the smartest guy” He finished hating how fake he was being in every word he said. Of course he couldn’t very much tell him the truth or how much violence he was capable of.

“Right” Connor answered looking unimpressed. “Did you at least win?”

“No- I mean in a fight there’re no winners” He really sucked at parental advice.

“So the other guy looked better than you at the end of it?” Connor asked again and Oliver let himself form a tight smile.

“Yes. As I said I’m not the smartest guy. You should learn from this” He said gesturing towards his wounded eyebrow.

“Hey isn’t that Felicity?” The kid said pointing to the back of the restaurant. Oliver turned around to see her laughing at something; from where he was sitting he wasn’t able to see who was making her laugh so brightly. He instantly regretted it wasn’t him. “Can I go Say hello?”

“I think she’s occupied at the moment” He said as a surge of wariness came rushing through him as he saw the back of a man’s head. He couldn’t identify him but it was enough for him to know he was a man, probably the same friend she had been with yesterday.

“Well I don’t think she’ll mind” Connor said and before Oliver could stop him the kid made his way to Felicity’s table, she as he had known, immediately got up and greeted his son with a hug and proceeded to introduce the guy she was with to him.

Oliver decided he had to go over even if he wasn’t sure he was ready to face the fact that Felicity was probably dating. He wasn’t as delusional to think she never would, it was just not his favorite thought to have.  He approached the table with his best Oliver Queen smile in place.

Connor was already sitting beside Felicity and joining the conversation when he got to the table. The back of the guy still to him, Felicity’s eyes went wide when she saw him, so Connor hadn’t told him he was with him apparently.

“Oliver, hey” She said and it was clear that she wasn’t comfortable having him there. Deep down some twisted part of him felt good about it.

“Hi, I tried to tell him not to interrupt your lunch but you know how stubborn he can be” He told her with a smile he knew she could read very well as not his real one.

“I wonder where he got that from.” She mentioned with a teasing tone and as soon as she realized what she just said blood rushed to her cheeks.

“From my mother probably” Connor answered clearly not suspecting what was really going on. This was weird considering he was such a smart kid. Then again smart kids with healthy family lives didn’t really give much thought to conspiracy theories. When the man sitting across from Felicity laughed at Connor’s answer he remembered they weren’t alone.

“Oliver do you know-“Connor began clearly about to introduce him to Felicity’s friend. But before he could say another word Oliver glanced at the man in question and he felt his jaw tighten for a second of so before he could react properly.   

“Barry?” Oliver was stunned. Wasn’t Barry Allen in Central City, and more than wasn’t Barry Allen in a coma?

“Oliver how nice to see you again” The young man answered cheerfully. Just when he thought his week couldn’t get any worse.


	5. Emergency

So Barry was back to life and Felicity had known about it for a while and Oliver felt like an outsider in the little gathering they were having. It was his team, his lair, his IT girl but it still felt like when Barry Allen was around Oliver Queen wasn’t as interesting for her anymore and that was just when Barry was regular and plain, now he was a super human, something Oliver couldn’t get his head around even after he had seen Barry’s live demonstration and had talked about it for almost 3 hours.

“I think you need your own costume mister” He heard Felicity tell Barry in what he could describe as a flirty tone, he gave her a caring smile and hers grew bigger instantly.

“Yeah I actually have a friend that’s helping with that” Barry told her with a smirk.

“Tell Rico I say hi” Felicity responded and once again Oliver felt like an outcast. She knew his friends, she knew about his new abilities, she had known he was awake for weeks and she didn’t care to tell him until she was practically ambushed and had no other choice.

“I’m sure he would be happy to hear from you” The younger man answered again.

Oliver gave them both a long look as if trying to convey his disinterest in the subject but neither of them seemed to be aware of this, or the fact that he was still standing in the room.

“So now that we know Mr. Allen is a true super hero, where do we go from here? Do you need some help from us?” John asked probably reading Oliver’s discomfort all too well.

 “I wouldn’t call myself a superhero” Barry said laughing nervously and when Diggle settled him with a look he continued with a more serious tone “I don’t need help, not at the moment” He said giving Felicity a side glance Oliver couldn’t identify, maybe they had more secrets they weren’t so eager to share with the class. “I just figured it would be a good idea to inform you, it’s always good to have a better prepared hero on your side”

“Right” Oliver responded irritated. He knew he was blowing things out of proportion. Barry Allen was a friend or if not that at the very least an ally, one who had proven useful several times since he’d known him, he also happened to have saved his life once. And he was telling him, showing him, he had powers, he could run as fast as lighting and that was just the effect they were aware of for the moment. The young man could do some real good down in Central City and there he was acting like a caveman just because he wasn’t very happy he was back in Felicity’s life. Furthermore who was he to be feeling bitter or like Barry was stepping on his territory? Felicity wasn’t his, and she could never be no matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise. “If you ever do need anything give me a call” Oliver added trying to be supportive.

“I will” Barry said with his usual open smile. He really hoped his new found power wouldn’t change his bright personality, being in the vigilante business was not particularly related to being happy-go-lucky or normal, two things Barry Allen certainly was, no matter how many superpowers he’d got since the last time he saw him. “I better let you guys do your thing now” He said talking to the group and then in a quieter tone he added “See you in a bit?” Felicity turned beet red in a second, she nodded at him quietly and he waved a final goodbye before closing the door on his way out.

“How long have you known about this?” Oliver asked as soon as the door was completely closed. His tone was anything but gentle.

“Since it happened” Felicity responded in a loud tone not stepping back even a bit.

“Why would you wait so long to tell us?” He questioned bringing himself closer to her in a threating stance.

“It was not my secret to tell Oliver” She told him staring right into his eyes with no sign of regret.

“She’s right man” Diggle said stepping closer to both of them and touching Felicity’s back as a sign of support. “If Barry decided he didn’t want us to know, it was not her call to tell us”

“What are we going to do?” He said overlooking Diggle’s comment and trying to avoid getting into a fight.

“There’s nothing to do. He has friends helping him down in Central City and when he does need your help he will call” Felicity said with a lower tone but he could tell she was still not very pleased with the way he was handling the subject. “Oliver he won’t use his powers for evil, I’m sure you know that” She added and gave him a loaded look.

“How do you know that? With great power-“He was cut off immediately by her as she stared at him wide-eyed.

“Please save me the Spiderman quote we all know Peter Parker is not real, as much as some of us would like him to be” She said smiling softly as if she was day dreaming for a moment, then she shook her head and got back to what she was saying “He is Barry, he won’t go on a killing rampage all of the sudden. He’s the good guy; he’s going to use this for the greater good”

 “Unhuman abilities are dangerous, how do we know Barry’s new skills haven’t messed with his mind? How can we be sure he won’t turn into some kind of crazy person?” Oliver asked her forcefully.

“He is the same, his brain is fine. They have made several test on him and aside from what you just saw he is completely normal” She assured him calmly.

“We don’t-“He began.

“Stop” She said raising her hand to reinforce her point. “He’s okay; he wanted to tell you because he looks up to you and because he wants to be your friend. So stop making crazy assumptions Oliver, and be the better person here, if he needs guidance he’s going to look for that in you and if you act this way… Well he’s going to be so very disappointed” As she let the words out he could hear what she wasn’t saying. _I will be disappointed_. He hated that she was playing that particular card and he hated that she had a point. But his stubbornness won over anything else.

“And who would want that?” He asked rhetorically and she gave him a hard look.

“I need some air” She said quickly moving past him but before she could reach the door she looked back at him again “And by that I mean I’m going home for the night” Felicity ended this time taking her purse and going through the door.

“Well that could’ve gone better” Digg told him with a noncommittal smile.

“I don’t want to hear it” He replied aggressively.

“As long as you’re aware of what that was about, I’m fine not discussing our feelings” He said with a pointed look. They had silently agreed not too long ago that they wouldn’t discuss Felicity and the Slade thing, and the possibility that Oliver was into deep where she was concerned. He still wasn’t sure what Diggle stand was on the subject but for the moment he didn’t care to find out. A lecture was not something he needed; he was beating himself up enough as it was.

When she left he went back to the training dummy, if his temper kept rising like that he would have to buy a few new ones soon. A while later he and Diggle agreed not to go patrolling for the night, since the alerts were few and they were just minor robberies that SCPD could probably solve on their own, he went home for the night wondering about what Felicity was up to. He couldn’t get the images of her and Barry dancing at the Christmas ball or the way she kept looking at the kid just now, like he was the best person she had come across, a look he was certain she could never give him.  

The next day he was on his way to meet with an attorney that was handling the QC situation, as soon as he stepped inside the building where the meeting was being held his phone rang in his pocket. He raised his eyes brows when he saw the name in the ID caller.

“Hey Sandra is everything okay?” He said immediately worrying about his son’s safety.

“Oliver” She said in a rough tone. He took a deep breath, this wasn’t good. “Oliver…Connor wasn’t feeling well this morning and I took him to the ER and it turns out…” She’s not able to finish the sentence and he could tell she was crying at the other end of the line. His stomach drop with an irrational fear of losing the kid he just found.

“What?” He says in a harder tone than he intended, he feels like fainting, a million possibilities come to mind and none of them are good. “Tell me, what happened?” Oliver says again a bit more supportive as she keeps crying softly.

“He’s in the OR, it is his appendix. He’s in surgery” She tells him breathing heavily. “I wasn’t going to call but I didn’t know what else to do-“

“Sandra I’m his dad. You had to call. Where are you?” His tone is calmer than before, he doesn’t know much about medicine but he remembers Tommy having appendicitis when they were kids and other than a quick surgery and a couple of resting days he was fine. Connor was a healthy kid, everything was going to turn out okay or at least that was what he was telling himself.

She explains she is at Starling General and he run back to his car and drives there in less than five minutes, when the regular time to get there would be fifteen. He runs a few reds lights on the way but he’s not really concerned about getting a ticket at the moment. As soon as she sees him entering the waiting room she throws herself in his arms and he’s taken aback for a second after responding to the hug stroking her back softly. It feels unnatural, probably because he can’t remember ever holding her like that. They had never been together in a caring way, they had sex, multiple times but they didn’t do the relationship thing, probably because he was doing that part with Laurel back in the day. She cries into his chest and he whispers calming words into her ear. He can see how scared she is and he knows that as horrible as he feels she’s feeling that ten times over, so he holds her for a long while.

They end up sitting on a couch near the OR doors as she tries to explain the situation, apparently Connor was feeling sick, he vomited and then complained about a stomachache she thought it was nothing at first and then the kid broke down crying and she knew it had to be real because Connor was not the crying type.  She took him to the ER and the doctor said his appendix was very inflamed and probably about to burst so they had to perform an emergency surgery, they took him in about an hour ago and the doctor was still in. She was getting restless.

“Mrs. Hawke?” A nurse says as she comes out of the OR doors. They both stand up and come to her quickly.

“Is my son okay?” She asks instantly and the nurse gives her a soft smile.

“Yes Mrs. Hawke, your son is recovering from surgery everything went great. We’re going to move him to a room in a few minutes and then you can see him. He’s going to be running around in no time” The nurse smiles again reassuring them and then gives them some paperwork to fill. They spend the best part of thirty minutes going through it and after Oliver takes care of all the payments, which Sandra complains at for a while, he calls the director of the hospital to get a private room in the wing with his family’s name. The doctor doesn’t question his request knowing him well enough to keep it discreet.

They are about to go in to see Connor when his phone rings and Felicity’s name flashes in it. She tells Sandra to head inside and promises he will be there in a moment before answering.

“Hey” He says in a neutral voice.

“Where are you Oliver?” Felicity asks clearly annoyed, but he can read her worry in it as well. “You were supposed to be at a meeting with the lawyers two hours ago, just so you know if you want to get your company back showing some respect for the people handling your case would be a good place to start” She nags at him and he lets out a soft smile and he’s glad she can’t see him because she probably would be more pissed at his reaction. She thinks he’s being careless when it’s just the opposite.

“Felicity I’m at the hospital, Connor had an emergency surgery and-“ He tries to explain before she cuts him off.

“What? Is he okay? Oh my God Oliver I’m so sorry” She lets out quickly her tone filled with concern.

“He’s okay. I’m going in to see him in fact, I’ll call you later” Oliver explains as he hangs up and opens the door to his son’s room. She obviously wants him to explain a little further but he knows right now he has to be present in the kid’s life for once.

Connor is lying in bed looking a little rough but smiling at something his mother was telling him, Oliver takes this as a good sign of his son recovery and sits at the end of the bed. The kid looks at him wide eyed, he was obviously not expecting him to be there and he’s probably crossing some boundaries considering that their relationship it’s still not clear in Connor’s eyes.

“How are you feeling?” He says in a soft voice he had probably never used in his life. And he realizes than out of all of the difficult situations he’s been in before, finding out that Connor may be harmed was probably one of the most terrifying yet. That’s probably what being a parent feels like, he reflects; everything is out of proportion when it comes to your own child. 

“It hurts a little but is much better than before we got here” He replies still looking at him cautiously.

“It’s just getting better from here” Oliver told him with a smile touching his leg reassuringly. “When we were little my best friend had the same thing and he was running around just a week later like nothing had happened”

“There will be no running around at least for a month” Sandra tells them both in an almost accusing tone and they both laugh at her expression. He gets an odd sensation that this is what watching Connor grown up must had looked like, Sandra switching between caring and menacing in a second and him and Connor just letting her be, teaming up against her in some occasions. There’s a pang of sadness even if deep down he knows there’s nothing he could’ve done, he regrets not being there.

“Okay mom” Connor says good naturally. “How come you’re here?” He asks him and Oliver smiles back at him searching for words before Sandra beings to talk.

“I called him” She says and Oliver is afraid she’s about to reveal the real reason he has been spending time with the kid to begin with. “With your grandparents out of town, Oliver is the closest thing we got to family”

Oliver gets out a sigh of relief after not being backed into a corner even if she didn’t actually lie and Connor nods at his mother words, but it’s clear he’s not completely sold out on her statement, he doesn’t push it either and the three of them stay there swapping stories about different things. Sandra talks about Connor’s childhood, Connor tells them about his school friends and Oliver talks about his own childhood and every time he mentions Thea something in him breaks a little but they don’t seem to notice his pain, and he’s grateful for it.

He spends the night in the couch outside the private suite where Connor and Sandra are sleeping in, he’s so tired he miraculously falls asleep as soon as his head touches the couch, but before long a sound startles him awake and he feels a soft hand touching his cheek. He opens his eyes still a bit disoriented when a pair of glasses and some blonde curls come up and sit beside him.

“Felicity?” He says not sure yet that he isn’t dreaming about her, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Hey” She says softly stroking his cheek again as if that’s a common thing between them. He sits up and he can read the distress in her blue eyes so he touches her shoulder reassuringly and gives her a weak smile.

“What are you doing here? What time is it?” He asks in a low voice.

“I was worried and you didn’t call me back so I hacked the hospital system to find out if everything was okay and then when I saw it was I just thought you could use me—I mean use someone—I’m not trying to say you use people, what I mean is—“

“Felicity” He says quietly touching her shoulder once again and she instantly stops talking and looks at him a bit flustered and he sighs because he loves when she does that, when she feels so comfortable around him that she doesn’t control her babbling. “Thank you” He tells her letting go of her shoulder and she smiles gently.

“Are you okay? Because I know that this is your first real brush with parenthood and well it can’t be easy” She adds after a few seconds of silence pass between them.

“He’s okay so I’m okay” He replies glancing at Connor’s room door. “Tomorrow I need to call the lawyers and fix this, I know I shouldn’t have missed that meeting—“

“Oliver he’s your top priority and that’s exactly how it should be, I’ll figure something out don’t worry about it” She assures him with a kind smile.

 “What would I do without you?” He asks her softly and he swiftly recognizes that the words slipped from his mouth and she caught them, he didn’t mean them to, but he’s sure by the tender look he can see reflected in her eyes that she knows he means it. It’s too late to make them seem sarcastic or funny, because they aren’t, they are true he would be completely helpless without his blonde partner. Just another fact to remember whenever he feels like confessing his feelings for her, he can’t ruin what they have and that’s all he does every time he gets into a romantic relationship. But he can’t with her, he can’t ruin them.

“It’s good then that you won’t have to find out” Felicity responds in a quieter tone than usual looking away from him the minute her words end. He tries to get her to look at him again but the moment’s gone and maybe that’s a good thing. She stays with him for a while as he tells her every detail of his day since he found out about Connor. Later he sends her home to rest and she obliges reluctantly promising to drop by tomorrow in visiting hours. As soon as she leaves he checks up on Connor and then turns to the couch again looking for the comfortable position he had been sleeping in before but as he glances to the celling trying to relax he finds he won’t be able to sleep again. She has invaded his thoughts and his mind can’t stop looking for a short cut for them to be together, even if he knows it doesn’t exist.


	6. Delay

Connor’s home two days later, the doctor tells them he will be completely recovered within a week. For the time being he can’t go to school or do any kind of physical activity. Sandra’s been cutting shifts at work and Oliver has being covering for her with Connor when she can’t. Today is the first day Connor’s home and they figure out a schedule very similar to the one they’ve been doing for the past few days. Sandra works in the mornings and comes home midafternoon while Oliver stays with Connor and then he can go home, which he doesn’t, not until the very end of the day when he has to go out patrolling.

“You don’t have stay here all day Oliver, I’m sure you have other business to attend to” Sandra says when 7’oclock hits and Connor has fallen asleep for the hundredth time today. They’re all sitting in her living room as the kid sleeps comfortably on the couch.

“I don’t have a company to run anymore. Plus this is more important” He says matter-o-factly and she just stares at him curiously. “Why are you giving me that look?” He asks her when she doesn’t say a thing for a few minutes.

“I’m surprised that’s all” She says and her tone is soft, caring even. “I never saw you as the responsible type, no offense but you being a good dad wasn’t in the realm of possibilities in my mind” She tells him and completely surprises him when she reaches out and caresses his arm. “You’ve changed Oliver”

He feels a bit uncomfortable by her gesture. He’s not used to letting people touch him or at least not in this intimate way, they’re having a heart-to-heart and she’s making physical contact. Maybe he’s blowing everything out of proportion but it doesn’t feel entirely right.

“I’m still a mess Sandra” He responds stepping away from her touch and sitting in the couch where Connor’s sleeping soundly. “And I made a lot of mistakes before… I’m just trying to screw up less this time around” Oliver confesses and she smiles at him again.

“I’m glad I don’t have to hate you anymore Oliver Queen. You gave me the most important thing in my life, and even after everything that happened I wouldn’t change a thing” He can read in her eyes the struggle, the hardships she went through and again he feels a rush of regret go through him. He didn’t know, but he should have.

“I think it’s time to explain to him what’s going on. I don’t want him to doubt my intentions with you guys” He says calmly but inside the sole intention of talking things through with his son scares him to death.

“And what are your intentions with us Oliver?” She says and he’s scared he might be reading her tone right. At first when he showed up at her door demanding to know if he had a son her attitude towards him was defensive and angry. Which of course made perfect sense given the circumstances; she was scared that he would just rip Connor away from her or something as cruel. He wouldn’t and it took him months to get her to let him see Connor from afar, every time she trusted him a little more going all the way to let him spend time alone with the kid, she was still hesitant but she knew as well as he did that Connor deserved to have a chance to spend time with his dad, even if he was worthy of so much more than a broken Oliver Queen to be it. In the last few days they’ve spent together she started to look at him for support, they began making decisions together and it felt incredibly close to being a family. He was sure he was not the only one thinking it. And now she was asking him point blank what he was planning to do about it all.

He hated to be put on the spot.

His answer to this could change some things he didn’t want changed.

He gave her his best Oliver Queen smile, his best charming, not entirely truthful smile.

“I want you to have all your needs met and for you to know you can rely on me always. I’m going to be the best dad I can to him. This week has been crazy, but I’m glad you called me. You’re not alone in this anymore Sandra. I’m sorry I couldn’t show up before but now I’m here for you and for him alright?”  He hoped that cleared a few things up without him having to address them directly. She gave him a nod of understanding and for a second he could’ve sworn he saw disappointment cross her face but then she’s all smiles and comfort again, so he forgets about it. 

He stays a while longer they talk about their schedules tomorrow and when Connor doesn’t wake up he decides it’s time for him to head out. When they say their goodbyes she hugs him and thanks him, and again uneasiness covers him. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to be thanked for something he should had been doing all along. Connor is his responsibility too and she doesn’t have to thank him for showing up.

Oliver arrived at the lair early and he’s not at all surprised to find Felicity hard at work. Diggle had gone back to his bodyguard job, with a baby on the way he couldn’t wait around for Oliver to get his stuff together, which meant he sometimes couldn’t make it to the lair at all.

Before Oliver could get a chance to make himself known Felicity’s phone goes off and she immediately answers it looking anxious all of the sudden.

“Hello Mr. Palmer” She says politely as she picks up the call. Oliver stays as far away as he can from her so not to seem noisy, but he can’t help but overhear the conversation anyway. “Yes I know about that. I’m sorry but my work hours end at 5 pm and I have other responsibilities outside—“  Her eyes go wide, whoever Mr. Palmer is and whatever he’s telling her is not something she’s pleased to hear. “This is not about money. It’s not” She continues clearly irritated. “Whatever I do with my life is not your—Oh” She says and it seems the man left her speechless. That’s a sight to see. She doesn’t say a thing for a minute or two but she’s very much focused on what’s being said. “That would actually be great” She gets out finally with a small giggle and Oliver doesn’t like it one bit. He doesn’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t like the reaction the man is getting from her. “Thank you Mr. Palm—See you tomorrow Ray” She says and when she ends the call there’s a smile plastered on her gorgeous face.

He stays there looking at her from a distance waiting to see if she’ll notice him, but she doesn’t, she instead sighs, smiles and sits back on her chair. _What the hell._

“What was that about?” He says as a way of greeting because even if his initial thought was to mind his own business, he wants to know who Palmer is and why he gets to bring a smile to her face.

She turns around in her chair and looks at him surprised to see him, her face changes as she seems to be trying to get rid of her smile for a more professional look, which he doesn’t get.

“Oliver hey” She tells him brightly. “How’s Connor doing?”

“He’s recovering fast, the doctor tells us he should be able to go to school next week” He explains approaching her until he’s standing less than a two feet away. “Who’s that Palmer guy you were talking to?” He tries again, he knows she’s trying to evade the subject and that gets him more engrossed in the whole thing immediately.

“Ray?” She asks as if he’s an old pal of hers. “I been meaning to tell you about that, but  I didn’t want to worry you with everything going on with Connor, so I figured I’d wait until he was better, and now he is so-“  He gives her a steady look and she swallows soundly as if she was a cartoon character stuck with a hand on the cookie jar. “Ray Palmer is the new CEO of QC” Felicity says in the most composed tone he’s ever heard her use.

“Excuse me?” He asks and it sounds more like a growl than anything else.

“When I called the lawyers… They weren’t happy about you; they said the board had given you enough chances as it was…” She paused and he knew they had said a lot more than that, she was just trying to reduce his guilt “Turns out Steelmoon international wasn’t just Isabel and they assigned someone to do her job and the board agreed to it” Felicity continued gently.

“And why is Palmer calling you?” Oliver’s trying to control his expression but by her reaction he can tell he’s not being very successful. He’s pissed and she appears to be too calm about the whole thing, which pisses him off more and concerns him a little.  

“Because I might have offered to stay as his EA” She says so quietly that even standing so close to her, he’s having trouble hearing her.

“That’s ridiculous. You were never supposed to be an EA to begin with--” He begins to say in a louder tone than necessary. She sighs heavily as if knowing this would be his reaction to this particular matter.

“Oliver the only way to get your company back is to have eyes on the inside. I have eyes and I’m on the inside now so that’s that” Felicity explains practically like it wasn’t even a decision for her.

“I can’t ask you to do that” He tells her and she sighs again. Oh she knew very well how this conversation would go and she doesn’t back down one bit.

“You’re not. I’m doing it anyway” She says with conviction filling her expression and that’s when he sighs because he knows her well enough to know she won’t change her mind.

“Felicity” He says and looks at her with so much emotion, he’s grateful for her, in fact he believes he’s never been more grateful to have someone in his life. Maybe Connor, but that’s about the only exception he can think of. Because the place Felicity has in his life it’s something he knows no one else can fill. His grateful and he’s also terrified.

“And let me tell you I didn’t think I was going to get along with Ray but it seems that I have misinterpreted his intentions” She says dismissing his heartfelt tone entirely.

“Has he come onto you?” Oliver asks and he’s immediately filled with something he’s not very use to feeling. It’s not just anger. It’s like someone is stepping heavily on his toes.

“No Oliver, that’s not-“She says completely flushed. “You see Ray’s not really a CEO either. He’s a scientist and they sent him to rebuild the applied sciences department. He wants me to help him out with that, not just be his EA but actually use my degree for a change” She said excited before realizing what her words meant apparently “I didn’t mean to-“

“So you want to do this? Not just for my sake?” He asks her softly trying very hard to suppress the guilt that’s threating to come to the surface.

“Yes” She responds not missing a beat.

“Okay” He says and she smiles as if she didn’t know she would get her way. “What’s the plan?”

“There’s not a plan per se. When I met Ray I wasn’t particularly friendly, I saw him as the enemy and well we had a couple of mix-ups, but after the call we just had I think… well he could be an ally and even if he isn’t you know what they say keep your friend close…”  She didn’t finish the sentence and for a moment he was sure they were remembering the same thing. That time he had decided to take that phrase all too literally. That time she had been disappointed in him, even if she wouldn’t say it, that completely mess up situation that had led him to explain to her indirectly why he couldn’t actually be with who he wanted. Why he couldn’t allow himself to.

“Felicity?” He asked when she didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. She was focused on a point behind him like it was the only thing that mattered. He cleared his voice trying to get her attention but she wasn’t looking at him. “Are you-“He didn’t know what he wanted to say. Well he did but he was completely sure bringing Russia and Isabel to the conversation wouldn’t be a wise thing to do. “Just be careful with Palmer” And please, please, please don’t go where I went with Isabel, he thought to himself. Even if it wasn’t something he could stop her from doing, he didn’t have any right and at the rate his life was going he never would.  

“I will” Felicity said after a moment, focusing back on him for a second and then turning back and sitting on her computers.

The air was charged between them and staying there alone with her was not a good idea. He went to the back of the lair to change into his arrow suit, he hadn’t gone out in a few days and he needed to do something physical that could clear his mind. There was so much new stuff going on in his life that he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with and the only way he could find to deal with any of it was to take action, even if it was with his bow and arrow and not his business suit.

“I’m going patrolling for a bit” He told when he came back to her area of the lair.

“It seems like a slow night though” Felicity informed him.

“Don’t you think that’s weird? I mean we’ve had slow nights for weeks. And I know it can’t be that the criminals of Starling decided to change their ways all of a sudden” He commented coming closer to where she was sitting and looking at the scans she had going on.

“Oliver has anybody ever told you not to question a good thing?” She replied looking at him from the top of the glasses with a teasing smile.

“Not lately” He confessed “When I was younger I wasn’t particularly known for questioning things, which led to very stupid choices as you know, and now it just…. It’s been my experience that it tends to get worse before it gets better” He said as he was half leaning into one of the tables closer to her than he was before.

“Maybe count your blessings and forget about the rest?” She tells him wholeheartedly.

He lets out a chuckle and is so uncharacteristic than she looks at him with curiosity; he realizes that he’s nervous to be this close to her.  But it has nothing to do with the actual physical distance and everything to do with how engrained she’s in his life. He wants to tell her how much she means to him. How she’s one of the biggest blessings for him. But he doesn’t, mainly because she deserves better, because all he can offer her is danger and trouble.

“I’m heading out” He tells her after a long staring down between them. She just nods with a small smile and turns back to her computers as he is running out the door.

He jumped from roof to roof for a few hours, Felicity was supposed to tell him if there was any activity but she had been silent so far. His mind on the other hand was anything but quiet. He had so much running through his mind, Connor, the company, Thea, and of course Felicity…. He felt powerless in most of those subjects, the company was gone and when he gave it a good honest thought he knew he had never been qualified to be Queen’s Consolidated CEO, he used it as a cover and as he toyed with it, he never gave the company the interest, the hours, much less the work it needed, he lost his place in his family’s company and he was just now realizing how that was the only way it could have gone from the beginning. Was he really going to try to get back something he had spent his former life running from? It didn’t make sense, and it made him feel too much like the old Oliver, stubborn, spoiled and directionless. 

“Oliver?” Felicity said over the comms interrupting his previous thought process.

“You got something?” He said eager to chase down some bad guy and get rid of all the adrenaline going through his body.

“No… I was just… Since there’s nothing going on, I thought I could go home and get some rest. I need to be at QC early tomorrow; Ray said there’s something he wants to discuss with me so…” She ranted and he had to suppress a smile, for the habit, definitely not for the words themselves.

“Of course” He responded knowing it was pointless for both of them to have a sleepless night. “Go home, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“I will” She said and he could tell she hesitated before letting out the next part “You should… go home too. I don’t want you running around the city unsupervised…”

“I’ll be okay” Was all he said as a response and he could tell she wanted to say something else but refrained.

He went home after a while and he realized finally that he couldn’t keep living this way, this had to change, he wasn’t sure he wanted QC back anymore but if he didn’t he had to find something else to do with his day life. He was doing a very good job of stalling and waiting for things to magically resolve when he knew better.

His life was his own; it wouldn’t change if he didn’t do something drastic. There were some things he couldn’t have, or things he had decided he couldn’t but there were others he was just too scared to pursue. But that part was over, he was making a game changing play and against his natural instinct he hoped for the best.


End file.
